I have been watching my daughter Emily for the past 2 weeks settle into her role as a new mom.  I am so proud of her.  She is such a natural mother.  Her jobs all through high school and college were nanny jobs and those experiences, plus her maternal instincts, are sure paying off.  It so takes me back 24 years ago when Emily was born and I become a first time mother.  I know it was exhausting but what I most recall is how in love with her I was.  I remember loving what she smelled like and how much I enjoyed taking care of her.  She became my new world in a sense and I think I loved almost every minute of it.  I can remember nursing her in the church "cry room" and really thinking all the other new moms must be thinking how beautiful my daughter was!!  Is that just ridiculous?  I guess it is true, love is blind. 

Four children later I now often say I was born to be a mother.  I naturally "mother" not only my own children, but anyone in my path that will allow me to "mother" them.  I am loving my new unique role with Emily as I now am mothering a mother.  I have been able to spend her first days as a mother with her to help take care of the new momma.  I love helping to change and rock Theo to give her an often much needed break.  Paul is a wonderful father and when he is home he can't get enough of their new son.  But, when he has to go to work, I am so glad I have been here for this transition time in their lives.

her new love

so glad he is sleeping, cause I sure am not!!

love at first sight

Emily tries out her new snuggly

Theo's first car ride

I saw the movie Marley and Me for the first time this week.  I know I am probably the last person to see it since it has been out for quite some time.  Frankly, I have not been that interested in seeing it.  I had heard the ending was sad and Owen Wilson's characters usually really frustrate me.  It seems to me he often portrays a womanizing, spineless man who has little depth.  Now that is really judgemental of me, isn't it?

On top of that, I hate to admit that I am not really a dog or cat lover.  Oh well, I have accepted that about myself. Marley did not move my heart nearly as much as the relationships did. At one point in the movie Emily said, "Mom, if that was your dog, he would have been gone long ago". I am afraid she was right. When our children were little and we added a dog to the mix it just felt like one more thing to take care of.  It was more work for me than the pleasure of the companionship. I have always felt bad to admit I am not really what you call a "dog person". I mean dog lovers are always such kind compassionate people are they not?

My daughter Emily had so many dogs growing up I lost count.  Annie has a cat named Audi and he is such an important part of her life.  So since my daughters love animals does that let me off the hook?

Annie with her cat Audi (this photo is a couple years old)

I have a passion for people, healthy relationships and pets..... well... I can live without! Sorry all you dog and cat lovers, don't be haters!!

Now, back to the movie.  I was so pleasantly surprised how accurately the struggles of marriage were portrayed and I loved how they handled conflict.   It was one of the few movies that realistically demonstrates the life of a typical family with small children.  All of us mothers could so relate when, after losing her cool, Jennifer Aniston said,

" I'm not depressed, I am exhausted.  I'm sorry, I just got overwhelmed.  No one tells you how hard this is going to be.  All of it, marriage, being a parent.  It's the hardest job in the world and no one prepares you for that.  No body tells you how much you have to give up.  I've given up so much of what makes me who I am.  But, I cannot say that.  I am a very bad person if I say that.  But, I feel it sometimes.  I just want you to know that and I needed to say that.  I made a choice and its harder that I thought and I don't regret it.  These things are going to happen and we'll get through it together." 

Another scene I loved was when Owen is telling his friend his marriage woes.  His friend asks who will get the dog if they split up.  Owen replies, "I just had a fight with my wife.  Just let me vent.  You don't end it, you mend it."

So, way to go Marley and Me.  For once I can applaud what Hollywood communicated about married life.  I remember when I was home with four small children.  Ty would often say, "Honey, your job is so much harder than mine.  I could never do what you do all day."  Knowing how much he valued my role meant the world to me.  So... I salute all you mothers out there who have given up so much to be mothers to your children.  You will not regret it.  If I could take you all to Starbucks for a coffee and a chat, I would!!

the power of a hug

Have you ever gone to shake a person’s hand that you are meeting and they come at you with a hug?  If that has happened and been an awkward moment for you, let me apologize.  I am THAT HUGGING PERSON!!   I am what you call a hugger.  I have been a hugger for a long time now.  Some of the explanation for this is the family I grew up in.  I am half Italian, half Lebanese and hugging is a family trait for us.  My Lebanese father even takes it one step farther and usually kisses everyone he meets, sometimes on the lips!  It does not even occur to him that he should not do this.  It is funny to watch the recipient’s responses.  So… all that to say, I get it honestly.

my italian mamma and lebanese father

My theory is this, the world needs more hugs.  A hug is an expression of love and there can never be enough of that!   I think an additional motivation for me is my mother’s heart.  I love to mother and nurture others.  When I meet a young person, anyone below let’s say 30, I especially want to hug them in case they did not have a loving, nurturing mother.  I have met so many young adults in the past 10 years who have not had the blessing of a loving mother.  When you have had that, which I did, you are able to pay it forward to your children.  If you did not get it from your mother, I believe that God will put “other mothers” in your life to fill that gap.  So, that is me, the “other mother”, hugging my way through all my introductions. 

This week I am in Redding, CA with my daughter Emily and son in law Paul and my son Turner.  I came for the birth of my first grandchild, Theo.   I have met many new young folks this week from all over the world.  Many have extended their hand to shake mine when we have met.  I have “gone in” right past the extended hands, for a hug.  It is funny to see the various responses.  Some enthusiastically accept my hugs while others simply endure them.  Either way, I am fine with that.  Their response does not deter me in the least.  I know the good that can come from a warm hug from “another mother”. 

These folks all have two things in common.  They held my grandson, and were hugged by me!!!

Just imagine how many times I will hug Theo.  Maybe I will count!!!

When I woke up today I felt overwhelmed with gratitude.  On Monday Theo Judah Lanphier was born.  I will be eternally grateful to Emily and Paul for the most amazing gift that has ever been given to me.  They allowed me to be a part of a sacred, intimate day in their lives, the birth of their first born son.  Words could never capture the emotions of that moment.   It was a day that I will remember and reflect on for the rest of my life. 

baby theo

Seeing a new life enter the world is nothing short of a holy experience.  All of life stops and a new life begins.  Add to that the fact that this new life is blood connected to you and the first member of the next generation and you have yourself a once in a lifetime moment.  To see Emily and Paul become parents was awesome.  The looks on their faces was priceless.  They allowed their brother, my son, Turner to witness Theo’s birth as well.  He said it was THE MOST Wonderful day of his life.  He was speechless.  I had to remind him to keep taking pictures, his designated job!!  How can someone so tiny make such a huge impact?  We have entered a new stage of life...the life of grandparenthood.  Every grandparent I know, without exception, has told us it is one of the greatest joys in all of life.  So far I completely agree.

the proud parents

i am in love

Fidelity Fence #3

 more thoughts about fidelity fences for a healthy marriage...

 
Here are some things that we do not do:

Have lunch with someone of the opposite sex, unless it is your brother, dad, son.... you get the idea
Travel for business with someone of the opposite sex unless... you know the rest
Confide in someone of the opposite sex about our marriage problems, or anything for that matter
Go to class reunions without our spouse... we've all heard the stories
Look up an old flame on facebook...really????

I hate legalism, but this is one area I am willing to be legalistic in!!!

I'd take these guys to lunch any day!!!

or these

Fidelity Fence #2

non-stagnant policy...
what are you doing to keep your marriage fresh and alive?
when is the last time you told your husband something you appreciate about him?
when is the last time you flirted with your husband?
what is the last book you read to recharge your marriage batteries?
when is the last time you bragged about your husband, not behind his back?

did i mention ty wrote a book last year... I am so proud of him!!!  He's the MAN!!!