Learn how to resolve conflict. Everyone deals with conflict, but not everyone knows how to RESOLVE conflict in a healthy way. Every relationship will have its share of conflict. I once heard it said, "If two people agree on everything, then one of them is unnecessary"!!! I like that. You and your spouse will have disagreements, just plan on it. How you handle it will greatly determine the health of your marriage. Here are some ground rules:
Deal with each conflict comprehensively so the next conflict will not have momentum from your last unresolved episode. This does not mean you will agree, but you will come to some acceptable agreement, like agreeing to disagree.
Work hard to remind yourself, "we are on the same team". It is you against the problem, not you against each other. There are times we have had to stop in the middle of a "heated" dialogue and remind ourselves, we are on the same team.
Practice not having things your way. It is good for you to learn to yield to others, especially your spouse. Ever been around a spoiled brat??? You do not want to be that person. Not getting your way is good for you as a person. It helps you to be "others" focused.
Try to really understand your spouse more than seeking to be understood... again, others focused.
Do not go to bed angry at your spouse. Even though the emotions of the conflict may decrease, the damaging effect is still there if you do not deal with it!!!
Do not attack your spouses character. You can never take back what you say. Words have trememdous power.
Determine to be an asset in the life of your spouse. You have tremendous power for good.
So good. Thanks for sharing your wisdom!
ReplyDeleteLisa